THE FEWMENT AGENDA!(Romance of the Gold Dragon v0.99)
"Fewments" is a little known medieval word that literally
translates as "dragon droppings"
[From the opening of the "complicated" version: When Hector stole back his manfactured home from Sally, he didn't realize he was also stealing The Greasy Man's favorite truck! The Greasy Man catches up with them after Lydia pulls Hector over - but is so irrate about the theft that he and Lydia get into a fight, giving Hector and his girlfriend Madge (who is high on Peyote) a chance to slip away and retrieve some important documents from inside the house. Meanwhile, Jonathan investigates what Rebecca is up to...]
EXT.
A two-story Victorian extravaganza, painted red against lavish gardens of green. A HELICOPTER passes slowly in the distant background.
EXT. MANSION GATE - LATE AFTERNOON
JONATHAN (22), well dressed in gray, stands before black iron gates and looks dubiously up the hill toward the house. He clutches a small black briefcase in his left hand.
After a moment he touches a button on the intercom outside the gate, waits for a reply.
MAID (O.S.)
Yes hello?
JONATHAN
Yes, I'm here to see Rebecca Solomon.
EXT. SEMI-TRUCK - LATE AFTERNOON
The greasy man winces at
GREASY MAN
Grand theft auto?...but...she's my rig! That asshole ya just let get away was tryin' to steal her.
INT. MOBILE HOME - LATE AFTERNOON
Hector uses a Swiss Army Knife to cut a wide slit in the living room carpet. He slides his hand into the hole and begins to feel around.
Behind him, Madge appears, as before, one arm wrapped around her thin frame.
MADGE
You lied to me.
INT. DRAWING ROOM - LATE AFTERNOON
A bookcase swings open revealing an unusually handsome
He has arrived, Ms. Soloman.
Rebecca, in a red dress and no shoes, is curled in a chair near the fireplace, staring into the flames with a glass of red Zinfandel in her manicured hands. She doesn't look up.
REBECCA
Seat him in the front room, please. Give him a Scotch, neat, and a glass of water, no ice.
INT. MOBILE HOME -- LATE AFTERNOON
Hector is busily stripping wallpaper from the living room with his knife.
HECTOR
I do own this house! Paid for it fair and square. But the courts aren't gonna see it that way Madge. You know what the Law is like. Now that
He has located a Manilla Envelope, tucked into a cranny in the wall. He throws it down onto the ground, next to two similar envelopes.
MADGE
That cop? Were you married to her too?
HECTOR
It was a long time ago – Baby, you know I love you –
There is a sudeen flash of light from nowhere. Hector Cringes, looking about. Madge just blinks.
A MAGICAL DOORWAY APPEARS. A brass knob turns throwing a heavy oak door open, revealing a canvas of light behind. A woman who looks exactly like Rebecca Solomon (in fact, it is her) wearing a chic grey dress steps out of the doorway.
HECTOR
Rebecca? What-
REBECCA 2
My name is Rebecca 2.
INT. MANSION -- LATE AFTERNOON
Jonathan sits on a plush burgundy couch in the front room, holding a glass of scotch. Sips.
Checks his watch uncomfortably.
The
Do you prefer dinner here or in
the dinning room?
INT. MANUFACTURED HOME – DAY
Hector stares agog at Rebecca 2. Madge gazes about glassily.
MADGE
Did you eat peyote too?
HECTOR
Rebecca how did you – what is this!?
REBECCA 2
I’m a backup Rebecca created by the Dragon in case my original self is compromised. You must come quickly.
She beckons towards the door.
HECTOR
Go where?
REBECCA 2
We must journey through time. I will explain as we go. Afterward, I will return you to this exact moment.
Hector, entranced steps through the door.
HECTOR
"Time Justice 5"?
Madge follows apathetically. Rebecca closes the door, which vanishes.
Suddenly, Two fAIRIES, six inches tall with gossamer wings, fly in through the window, miniature weapons drawn. GRIZELDA (235) is a beautiful blond wrapped in a revealing brown cloth. MOBIUS (422) Is a bearded fairy wearing miniature chain mail.
GRIZELDA
We’re too late! She’s already
taken them
MOBIUS
We will head them off at the eruption.
They disappear through a briefly appearing fireplace.
THE MAGICAL DOORWAY REAPPEARS. Hector and Madge step through - a great deal of time has passed for them. Rebecca 2 lingers in the doorway.
REBECCA 2
You know what you have to do!
Behind her, we catch a glimpse of what might be another Rebecca, but in an instant the doorway vanishes. Hector indicates his manila envelopes decidedly.
HECTOR
Right, I’ll take my copy of the script and head for the Mansion. You rendezvous with the Dragon and try to control the situation with the CIA…
He heads for the door. Madge grabs his arm.
MADGE
Is this happening?
HECTOR
Baby, you gotta get past the peyote now – your country needs you.
Madge shakes her head in utter hallucinogenic confusion.
MADGE
But …
HECTOR
Just go stand outside Baby, okay? It’ll all start to take care of itself.
MADGE
No! You Asshole, don’t leave me! I want to go with you!
HECTOR
Madge!!
EXT. ROADWAY -- LATE AFTERNOON
[To bring the reader up to speed: unbeknownst to Hector, when he stole back his home, Sally was inside it! She took a couple bad spills and by the time
Sally stares at her car curiously.
SALLY
How did...?
She shrugs off the mystery and seemingly unaware of the broken out window, pulls out her keys and unlocks the driver's side door, hops into the
VOLKSWAGON
and has a brief moment of clarity.
SALLY
What am I doing?
A slight YOUNG MAN leans forward from the backseat over Sally's shoulder. He is dirty, scruffy and scrappy, with strikingly clear blue eyes. He speaks quietly and cheerfully, if with an edge of fatigue to his voice. He has a faint English accent.
YOUNG MAN
You are turning on the ignition and driving north. Now. Please.
Sally is paralyzed, glimpses the intense blue eyes in the rear view mirror.
SALLY
Do you have a gun?
The Young Man slowly pulls a worn black revolver up over the seat with his right arm.
YOUNG MAN
You can scarcely call it that, really. It's quite old fashioned.
His voice gets a bit lower and he blinks heavily, breathing shallowly.
YOUNG MAN
Sally. Please. Let's not waste needless time and energy.
He cocks the gun in a sudden burst of violent exasperation and points it squarely at Sally.
YOUNG MAN
Start the car.
EXT. MOBILE HOME -- LATE AFTERNOON
From inside, the sounds of heated argument continue, until
MADGE (O.S)
FINE YOU ASSHOLE, JUST GO!
HECTOR (O.S)
FINE!
He bursts through the screen door and quickly turns the corner around the rear of the mobile home, a stack of manilla envelopes tucked under his arm.
After a moment Madge follows tentatively out into the open. Stops. Looks up at the sky.
EXT. ROADWAY -- LATE AFTERNOON
Hector races towards
INT. POLICE CAR -- LATE AFTERNOON
The keys are in the ignition.
HECTOR
He starts the car.
EXT. ROADWAY -- LATE AFTERNOON
The Police car pulls away onto the road. Hector waves to
HECTOR
I'LL EXPLAIN LATER!
And zips away.
INT. DINING ROOM -- LATE AFTERNOON
A lavish burgundy expanse, colored in purples and golds. A fireplace and candles cast the room a warm orange.
Jonathan sits at one end of a very long dining room table, munching a bit of chicken and swallowing it down with a sip of red wine. He looks up.
JONATHAN
I have to admit, I wasn't expecting quite this much hospitality.
Rebecca enters and stands at the far end of the room.
REBECCA
I have a hard time stifling Billing's domestic instincts.
She nods to the butler, signaling him to go.
int. vOLKSWAGON - late AFTERNOON
Sally, wincing at the gun inched from her face, turns the key --engine roars to life--shifts into drive and then has a sudden horrifying notion, looks about herself panicked.
SALLY
Which way's north?
Ext. SEMI-TRUCK - lATE AFTERNOON
The greasy man remains pinned between
GREASY MAN
Ma offer still stands...
INT. DINING ROOM -- LATE AFTERNOON
Jonathan sips his wine demurely.
JONATHAN
Yes, I was forwarded some of your emails.
Takes a bite of chicken.
JONATHAN
Well, I'll get right to the point. Gold Dragon Incorporated is a somewhat... confused, by your recent activities. What exactly is the status of our script?
EXT. MOBILE HOME -- LATE AFTERNOON
Madge, still looking at the sky, has once again grown teary eyed.
From above, a large, dark shape is descending, silhouetted against the low hanging sun. Its shape is hard to determine, although it looks like it has wings.
Madge bites her lower lip.
INT. VOLKSWAGON - LATE AFTERNOON
Sally scratches her head, which still has a gun pointed at it.
SALLY
Wait if the sun's on the left, and it sets in the west, then north's got to be—
She floors the gas pedal.
EXT. SEMI-TRUCK - LATE AFTERNOON
The greasy man's smile fades, jaw dropping as his eyes follow Sally's Volkswagon, barreling toward the preoccupied Madge--just missing her--and careening past him and
INT. DINING ROOM -- LATE AFTERNOON
Rebecca sits across from Jonathan, calmly watching him eat.
REBECCA
Jonathan. You disappoint me.
Jonathan raises his chin and emits a soft, high pitched chuckle.
JONATHAN
Ah yes. What is that little saying of ours... "Barbed is the Claw of the Dragon." I'll be more specific. Who is Sally Reynolds?
MADGE, HECTOR, and REBECCA 2 Enter the room from behind a window drape. Rebecca and Jonathan do not notice.
Rebecca glances at a clock on the wall.
REBECCA
Well, whoever she is, she's driving north on Highway 70 right about now.
Jonathan stares blankly at Rebecca for a moment. Then withdraws a cell phone from his coat pocket and autodials a number. He and Rebecca both freeze.
HECTOR
Don’t they see us?
REBECCA 2
No, we’re on the outside of time,
looking in.
HECTOR
You said you were going to explain –
REBECCA 2
Be patient. This is where events began to get out of control. Jonathan was sent by the corporation to put a stop to Rebecca’s rogue activities – in particular, why she had given your script, which was classified as top secret, to a woman named Sally Reynolds.
HECTOR
She gave the script to Sally? Why?
REBECCA
That’s what the corporation is trying to figure out. And as you can see, Rebecca wasn’t being very helpful, so plan B was simply to capture Sally.
She claps her hands together and the scene suddenly resumes.
JONATHAN
Cecil? We have a location. Moving North on Highway 70.
He hangs up and smiles at Rebecca demurely.
EXT. MOBILE HOME – DUSK
LONG SHOT -- Madge standing in front of the mobile home looking up. A GARGANTUAN GOLDEN DRAGON (523) hovers majestically over the roadway, gently flexing it's shimmering wings and emitting a fluid, psychedelic Aura.
CLOSE UP -- MADGE Tears streaming down her cheeks, mouth agape. She shakes her head slightly.
MADGE
Peyote?
INT. DINING ROOM
Jonathan stares annoyingly at Rebecca, reaching down absently to stroke a Ginger cat that has begun to rub up against his legs.
JONATHAN
Now... you and miss Reynolds. Have you been friends for a long time?
Rebecca 2 touches her pinky fingers together and the scene freezes.
MADGE
Cecil? He just called Cecil?
HECTOR
That guy you’ve been going out to coffee with? He’s part of the corporation?
REBECCA 2
No … he works for the government, but the government has been working with the corporation to keep the dragon under control … at least until the film is released.
HECTOR
My film?
REBECCA 2
Yes, the one you wrote with Jimmy.
Come quickly.
They vanish.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DUSK
Sally's Volkswagon rides the ribbon of asphalt in the fiery glow of the setting sun.
INT. VOLKSWAGON – DUSK
The speedometer climbs toward ninety miles per hour. Sally holds onto the wheel like it's the only thing keeping her from flying out of the car. Suddenly, her brow furrows, fear evaporates.
SALLY
Wait, did you say I should drive fast or just North?
The Young Man breathes heavily in the back seat, pouring with sweat and dirt, the gun limp in his hand. His eyes roll in his head slightly. He croaks out some words.
YOUNG MAN
Fast is good.
Sally resumes her life-or-death grip on the wheel, intense gaze ahead only to see that she's rapidly gaining on a police cruiser.
She almost says something, stops herself, decides to "play it cool". Hums innocently.
INT. DINING ROOM – DUSK
Jonathan sits with the Ginger Cat on his lap. He is staring at Rebecca now a little insanely. A drop of sweat rolls down his temple.
JONATHAN
Oh I'll just get right to it... Why does Sally Reynolds have our Script, Rebecca?
Rebecca stares back, rather nonchalantly, at Jonathan.
REBECCA
Because I've chosen her.
She smiles kindly at him.
REBECCA
You don't look so well, Jonathan. Are you feeling all right?
INT. VOLKSWAGON – DUSK
The stack of scripts lays scattered under the dash next to Sally's white tennis shoe, pressing the gas slowly to the floor.
EXT. HIGHWAY – DUSK
The police cruiser hovers over the speeding asphalt. The Volkswagon pulls up beside it.
The YOUNG MAN struggles up in the back seat of Sally's car and rolls down his window. He shouts out of it towards the driver of the police car.
YOUNG MAN
Hector! Goddammit, pull over, you idiot!
EXT. ROADWAY – DUSK
The Dragon smiles majestically at Madge.
DRAGON
Little One... Your Time Has Come.
[...This is an excerpt from the beginning of the film when the plot is still relatively tame. The story continues for another 150 pages...!]